leaving is never easy

i leave early tomorrow morning...

i don't think reality has sunk in quite yet.

i mean, yeah i've been cherishing moments and packing and everything.

but i'm not a complete mess yet, like i was last year.

maybe it's because i've done this once before.

maybe it's the spirit comforting me and keeping me somewhat calm.

maybe the major meltdown is waiting to hit me ohh sunday night? when i'm alone in a new place? 

that's probably what it is.

i'm trying to be brave, but it's so hard.

i said goodbye to alex today.

it wasn't enough time, but no amount of time is ever enough with him.

i could spend forever with him and still not get tired of him.

we cried. and clung. and promised. and laughed.

i'm hoping that wasn't our goodbye for 2+ years right then.

hoping i get to see him one last time before he leaves. 

i miss him already.

but i've been strong so far.

like i said, i think i'm avoiding reality. i think my heart still thinks i'm going to see him tomorrow, going to get another one of those bear hugs, one more kiss on the cheek, another time to watch him laugh.

 but i only get to avoid it for a few more hours and then it's off to the iceburg for this girl...

it's going to be hard saying goodbye to my dad & brothers. even harder when it comes the time to say goodbye to my mom.

i hate goodbyes. even if they aren't forever.

i have a feeling i never would have survived before the time of technology so i can stay in touch with people and communicate. 

wish me luck. here i go.