Time is Love

so, uh, obviously i'm kind of bad at this whole blogging thing. i haven't even wrote in my journal since i've been home and i know i'm going to regret that... it's always during the best times of my life i slack on writing things down. at least i remember to take a few pics now and then right?

let me tell ya, i have REALLY been enjoying life at home. I feel spoiled and i DON'T want to leave in a few short days... truth is, i've always been mostly a homebody. i like to be home, with my family, in the bed i've grown up in, cooking meals with my mom, having my brothers come home from school, hearing my dad whistling. of course, i like to be free to do what i want as well. i like spending time with alex. i like that we're from the same town. its really going to be hard leaving again, especially this time for 2 years...

oh! he got his mission call: houston, texas east mission, english speaking! part of the mish is in louisiana and he reports february 20th, a few days after his 20th birthday. its going to be super hard... but i know its what he needs to do. i know people in texas need him and i know he needs the experiences of a mission. two years seems like an awful long time...especially when i have no idea whats in store for me. i don't know what to do for a career or anything.

i think i'll go on a mission. i'm serious guys.

i know i don't seem like the type. i'm shy. i'm scared. i hate speaking in front of people. i don't like to call attention to myself. but for the past few months it's been in my head.

i first thought of it when sister missionaries started returning to blanding. i had a good feeling when they spoke in church, i almost cried. then my branch president asked me if i had thought about serving a mission. i had. but then 21 was still the magical age for ladies. i kept thinking that over, but 21 was later than i wanted to be leaving.

and then president monson announced that the age was changed to 19. i could've cried. it seemed like remarkable timing. an answer to prayers of many sisters i'm sure...

one night i sincerely prayed and asked and believed i would get an answer. i opened my scriptures and read about a mission. it applied perfectly to me! the next morning i was getting ready for school and saw one of my binders on the floor. it was an old one my mom gave me to put my stats notes in. i had never paid any attention to the cover before. but that morning it seemed like heavenly father spoke to me. you see, one of my big concerns of going on a mission is leaving my family. a lot can happen in a year and a half and if anything happened i wouldn't want to be half a world away. well that morning i looked over and read the words, "mission first, family always." i know heavenly father needs to shape me into the person i need to be, and i can't help thinking maybe someone out in this world needs me. needs me to show them the gospel, show them true happiness. i don't feel like i am qualified, but then this quote always comes to mind...

maybe, just maybe, this girl can do wonderful things. i want to change lives. i want to change myself. and i know that's only possible with the lord's help.

i have never thought of a mission before. but now, it seems like its the right thing. i have a feeling my children are going to enter a scary world with so much darkness and temptation. it wouldn't hurt to have two returned missionaries for parents right? my future babies need a righteous, strong mother to teach them, and a worthy priesthood holding father to guide them.

i guess when it comes down to it: the gospel is true. and the whole world needs to know it. and i want to be a part of that.

these past few months have been amazing. i've cherished them and i never wanted it to end. i know i have to grow up now, but it doesnt make it any easier going away to an unfamiliar place i've never seen, surrounded by lots of unfamiliar new people. will they like me? will they accept me? will they try to get to know me? i hate uncertainty.

i love my family. i love alex. being here, its all i need.