Fat Blob.

I have an addiction.

Food.

I love to cook and bake, but unfortunately I love to eat too...

And I can feel myself putting on weight.

I don't usually gorge, per se, but I am eating more than I usually do and exercising/moving around less.

Yay for being in college and it being freaking cold outside and having no friends...

Ugh.

I've gotta get some motivation for controlling myself.

I can pass up a cookie right? I can pass up chocolate? I have enough control to portion right? I can avoid fattening foods... right?

Why is it sooo hard to stay skinny.

Gahhh.

I used to not really care, and now... I really do.

I don't wanna be a fatty.

I wanna be skinny and happy with myself and my body and enjoy going clothes shopping and having them look good on me. 

I sent Alex off hoping he'd lose weight... well I bet he sure as heck doesn't want to come home to a whale. He should be my motivation. I can't expect him to change and work hard if I'm not doing anything to improve myself right? Exactly.

So what do I do? 

Stop eating? Yeah... That probably won't happen. 

But I need to eat healthy and eat less.

Heeeeelp someone.

Please?

I wanna look good in a wedding dress. But most of all I want to look good for myself and prove that I can do this. 

I'm going out to eat pizza with a friend tomorrow, but after that. Things need to get real.

Ughhh...

So hard :( 

I need a support system, like really.

I don't want an overweight, chubby, squishy body. 

I don't want to get too big around to wear my sexy dresses and fit into my skinny jeans.

MOTIVATION.

Overcome my urges to eat. You do not have to stuff your face Jana. You can resist temptation.

Cuz I'm really feeling like a fat blob...

Delicious Pull Apart Bread

So I'm kinda obsessed with baking. I love it. 

And today I tried something new.

Say hello to cinnamon sugar pull apart bread...

I was a little nervous trying this, it definitely was a time consuming project.

But sooo worth it.

Mmmm... :)

2 years...

So my best friend got on the plane to fly to Salt Lake yesterday. 

I cried my eyes out talking to him on the phone the night before.

I slept in his shirt, clung to the stuffed cow he gave me, and listened to the voicemail he left about 3 or 4 times.

Guys, I know it sounds excessive, but it really is hard when one person has been your world for the last year and a half. I think in the year and a half there's been maybe 15 days where we haven't at least texted, let alone called each other. We talked all.the.time.

Ok, so maybe there were a lot of days where I'd ramble and he'd patiently listen. But he always showed me that he actually cared about my feelings and what I was going through. He always comforted me, gave advice, and rejoiced with me when things were good. We relied on each other. I feel completely comfortable telling him anything and everything, and that's something I can only do with him. I don't trust anyone else that much. 

And while it is so hard not being able to talk and run to him and text him... It's ok. Because I know he is on the Lord's errand. He is about to change lives. He is about to experience many changes in himself. I am so proud of him. I know I say that a lot, but I really am. He is a great person and is on his way to becoming an even greater man. I know that and I know he'll be back.

Love is about sacrifice. For him, sacrificing being away from his family and me and getting an education. For me, sharing my best friend with the people in the Houston, TX mission is a huge sacrifice. But as the song says, "Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven." And I truly believe that.

He seemed so calm and at peace and excited and ready and willing to serve. I was the one having a hard time with him leaving, because I have no one else who loves me so completely. I guess his farewell talk back home was amazing. I believe that and really wish I could've been there. He has taught me so many lessons, the biggest one that he is still teaching me is faith. And trust.

We can get through this. We're strong enough.

P.s. I started mission papers...